<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>"then... why?" by rintsumu</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26553376">"then... why?"</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/rintsumu/pseuds/rintsumu'>rintsumu</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Coming Out, M/M, OOC characters, Trans Hinata Shouyou</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 08:34:53</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,675</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26553376</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/rintsumu/pseuds/rintsumu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>shouyou never seems to want to have his boyfriend over at his house, to the point where yuu almost feels like shouyou is embarrassed about their relationship. it's hurting him, so he confronts shouyou. what he hears isn't what he was expecting.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hinata Shouyou/Nishinoya Yuu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>195</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>"then... why?"</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>shouyou's doing it again.</p><p>by "it", yuu means to say he's acting weird about the idea of them visiting each other's houses. it's a weird contrast, he thinks, how shouyou is so excited about anything and everything, until the idea of going to his house is proposed. he clams up, he goes red, he stutters, and he says something like, "my house isn't clean, it'd annoy you...". they both know that yuu wouldn't care at all; hinata's visited his house a few times before. all politeness intended, he doesn't maintain his room the best, and there's always something to trip over.</p><p>yuu can't help thinking that maybe, just maybe, shouyou doesn't want his parents to meet him because he's <em>embarrassed by him</em>. and it's so unlikely, and yuu knows that if shouyou had a problem he'd have brought it up because he's straightforward like that, but he can't help thinking it because he doesn't know why on earth he can't visit shouyou's house. </p><p>then it hits him that he's being a little stupid. because if he asks, shouyou will tell him. </p><p>that thought in mind, practice seems longer than usual. even though there's nothing different- shouyou is still as excitable about spiking, still as enthusiastic about the rolling thunder as yuu practices it, still as unsubtle about kissing "secretly" after one of them does something particularly well- even though all of these things are the same, they all feel so different to yuu without the certain knowledge that shouyou isn't embarrassed about them being together. he still knows that sounds stupid. </p><p>yuu doesn't need to ask shouyou to stay behind at the gym or in the club room. they don't walk home together, shouyou goes most of the way with kageyama- yuu doesn't mind, and it makes him feel safer that shouyou isn't cycling on his own late at night, although he knows shouyou's not defenceless- but they'll walk to the gate together, and yuu labels it mentally as his prime confrontation time. </p><p>"so," he starts, then cringes, because he couldn't have made that a more uncomfortable start to the conversation if he tried. he's just glad that shouyou's comfortable in almost every situation, saying an easy "so." back, before he turns to smile widely at yuu. </p><p>"um." yuu stops walking, and puts his hands on shouyou's shoulders. he looks a little scared, but more confused, and yuu takes a heavy breath. "can we talk about something?" </p><p>that definitely has shouyou looking nervous, more than he already did, and he lets out a deep breath of his own before he says, "okay.", sitting cross-legged on the ground, motioning a little for yuu to sit next to him. so he does. </p><p>"is this about the house thing?" </p><p>glad that he doesn't have to say it out loud, yuu pulls his knees into his chest and mumbles out a small, "yeah." </p><p>shouyou turns his head as though to speak, and then releases a breath. yuu watches as it comes out a little pale, the slightly colder air meaning he can see it clearly. it helps him forget how long shouyou takes to answer his question. it makes him feel a little more comfortable. and then shouyou takes a louder breath in, and it sounds a little resigned, and yuu's attention is suddenly right back on him and the thoughts that <em>maybe shouyou isn't happy with him</em>, and he has to try hard not to run away, just in case shouyou wants to break up, because that would hurt him a lot, probably more than he'd like to admit to anybody. </p><p>before he can stop himself, before he can think about them properly, the words are flying out of his mouth.</p><p>"is it that you're embarrassed about me? i mean, it's just- you never seem to want me there, is it that you think your parents wouldn't like me or something-?"</p><p>he cuts himself off, and he's flushed. glad at least that he's got it off his chest, and that nobody can ever be more embarrassed by him than himself, but all the same now that he's put his thoughts out there he feels really nervous about the response. he shuts his eyes tightly, and it's quiet between them for a little bit, before he hears shouyou moving around a little, and suddenly there's warm arms around him. yuu melts into them, albeit slowly, before opening his eyes again. shouyou's eyes are closed, just like his own were a moment ago, and yuu takes a moment to just <em>be</em> in his arms. the hug is warm and comforting and any doubts he had are almost entirely dissolved, and he thinks again how stupid he must have been to imagine that shouyou would be unhappy and not say anything about it. </p><p>"no." the word is so small, but it means so much. "not at all. never. that isn't it at all, noya." </p><p>it hurts to hear a little, because even though it means that shouyou's not embarrassed by him, it is an open acknowledgement of the fact that shouyou doesn't want him at his house. there's tears building up in yuu's eyes even though he wishes that there weren't, because he doesn't want to make shouyou uncomfortable, doesn't want to force him to say anything at all, but he just wishes that he knew why. so he asks.</p><p>"then... why?" </p><p>the arms around him are gone, and yuu feels cold again. he's sure that the air wasn't this biting only a few moments ago, before shouyou hugged him, but now it is, and maybe it was because that felt so comforting and intimate but he has to know, and if he has to be cold for a little to find out what's wrong, to make it easier to find out from shouyou, then he doesn't mind at all, although he shivers a little all the same. shouyou notices and quietly places his jacket around yuu's shoulders, despite the fact that he's already wearing his own. </p><p>"my parents don't, um, call me shouyou." </p><p>this is confusing to yuu. then it dawns on him.</p><p>"oh, like an embarrassing nickname? i mean, i get why you wouldn't want me to hear it, but all the same i don't think that's a reason to stop me going to your house? i won't make fun of you, if that's what you're worried about?" </p><p>"no, it's... not that. they... they call me sara."</p><p>"sara? but isn't that a girl's name? why would they call you that?"</p><p>shouyou doesn't answer him straight away, instead turning to look at him. they lock eyes, and yuu's surprised to see that there's tears in his eyes, as well. he smiles a little, and it's not that convincing as a smile of happiness; not that stable, and yuu pulls him into a tight hug as he starts to cry. </p><p>"this never gets easier," he says into yuu's shoulder, and that's confusing, and he opens his mouth to ask another question, but shouyou keeps talking. "daichi-san and suga-san said it would get easier to tell other people. i mean, it's easy with you, in comparison with the teachers... that's always weird... but it's still not easy..."</p><p>shouyou pulls his head out of yuu's shoulder, and his hold loosens instinctively. </p><p>"noya, i'm..." he sighs. there's fresh tears in his eyes, and he moves entirely away from yuu again. he rushes his next words, as though to get them out before he can think too much about saying them. "i was born a girl." </p><p>yuu freezes, because that's a shock. it genuinely had never occurred to him that that was a possibility. shouyou just passed, easily. other than the fact that he was at the boys' volleyball club, the first time yuu saw shouyou(and instantly developed a big crush on him, but that's not a super important thought right now) he didn't even stop to consider that maybe he wasn't as easily a boy as the other members. </p><p>"and... you're not... you haven't told your parents that you aren't?"  he speaks tentatively, slowly. he'd hate to make shouyou feel uncomfortable just because he doesn't know a lot about what he's talking about exactly, especially when it clearly means so much to shouyou(which makes sense, when a person's identity is such a big thing). </p><p>"no, and i don't want to tell them for a long time. it's so scary to me. i told some of the teachers, because i'm sara on the database thingy and i want the people around me to know me as shouyou, because that's what my name is." </p><p>yuu isn't sure what to say, so he just settles for pulling shouyou into another hug. shouyou's arms instantly wrap around him, and he's so glad that his boyfriend would trust him enough to tell him that. </p><p>"i'm proud of you. for being out to so many people, that is. i'll.. always support you if you need me, shouyou." </p><p>shouyou's gaze is watery as he looks up at yuu. his face is tear-streaked, but yuu thinks that he looks amazing, because yuu always thinks he looks amazing. </p><p>"thank you. so much." </p><p>it feels stupid to yuu that shouyou should have to ask people to call him by his name. that he should have to tell other people to call him something else, just because he wasn't born the way he was meant to be. it feels stupid to yuu that he should be thanked just because he has the basic human decency to respect his boyfriend. </p><p>"of course, shouyou. i love you." </p><p>that tenses yuu up, because they've been dating for a little while, but neither of them have said that yet. he hopes that shouyou doesn't feel pressured to say it back- that would be horrible- so he quickly adds on, "but don't feel like you have to say it back." </p><p>he feels shouyou shake against him, and yuu's nervous that he's crying harder, that he's messed everything up by saying that- but then he pulls his head up, and there's a wide smile on his face, and that one's real, yuu knows it well. it's the smile that he fell for as soon as he saw shouyou in the gym, and yuu's quite confident that he'll never forget it. </p><p>"i love you too, noya. you're not forcing me to say it." </p><p>yuu could explode. there is so much love in his system, and this boy is such a worthy and perfect outlet for all of it- so he leans forward, and kisses shouyou softly, taking his chin in his hands, and he doesn't care that it's wet from tears because shouyou is, and probably always will be, the most lovely person that he's ever seen. it's a short kiss, but soft and loving, the kind that's small and yet has so much to say. it's also shouyou's favourite type of kiss, though that's based on yuu's interpretation, because shouyou pointedly refuses to tell him what his favourite is. but yuu's quite sure that it's this one. </p><p>they pull away slowly, and yuu is sure that shouyou can see all of the love for him in his eyes, but just in case he can't, he moves his hand along the ground until it's on top of shouyou's. then he interlaces their fingers and picks up their hands, just admiring how they look. he doesn't say anything, and neither does shouyou, but somehow it's nicer that way. </p><p>the moment is more than broken when shouyou starts shivering abruptly, quite heavily, and yuu takes the extra jacket around his shoulders off faster than he's ever done anything before. he wraps it around its owner's shoulders and then looks at shouyou. </p><p>"thank you," his voice is soft. "for trusting me." </p><p>shouyou speaks back equally softly. "of course i trust you." </p><p>then the moment's gone again, the voices of the third years loud around the corner. yuu goes to get up, but shouyou pushes him back down and rests his head on his shoulder. yuu leans into it, putting his head on top of shouyou's. as the third years get even closer, they stay still. yuu's quite sure that shouyou's fallen asleep, but he doesn't want to move to check since he's so comfortable. </p><p>sugawara and daichi say nothing as they walk past, and asahi offers them a small smile. just as they've about left, shouyou suddenly jumps up, catching yuu by surprise, and runs after them. he grabs them by their jackets, quite successfully catching them by surprise, and from what yuu can hear from where he's still sat on the ground, he's thanking them over and over. they seem a little flustered, and eventually shouyou lets them leave, returning to stand next to yuu. </p><p>he tilts his head in question, and shouyou just laughs, his eyes shining brightly. despite how tired yuu can see he is, he seems like he could run forever and ever. there's so much energy in his eyes, and yuu wishes there was a word to describe how much he cares about the boy in front of him who offers him his hand to help him stand up. he keeps laughing, and although yuu knows that there's so much fear inside him about the future, he sounds so free. and it makes yuu so happy to see him that way. shouyou looks like he's on top of the world, and honestly, if he wasn't yuu's world already, he'd definitely be right. </p><p>"daichi-san and suga-san were the first people i came out to. i signed up to the boys' volleyball club as the first thing i did when i joined here. they said they couldn't find anyone called 'hinata shouyou' in the school, on the list thingys, and it took me a little bit, and a lot of crying, but i told them first. they let me join the club with no further questions," he pauses, to laugh, "aside from the thing with kageyama. and i just... thought i'd thank them, because otherwise i don't think i'd have had the courage to tell the teachers my name is shouyou. and i don't think that we'd have met. so i'm glad they were so accepting. i'm... happy that you're in my life." </p><p>and yuu's surprised that his legs held him through that, because he barely hears things like that from shouyou. it felt so lucky to yuu, to be on the receiving end of this boy's love. he thinks shouyou knows that, knows how much yuu values him in his life in return, but he feels like it's a lot more certain if he says it, too.</p><p>"i guess next time i see them, i should thank them too, huh? for the same reason." </p><p>shouyou's smile is so wide that yuu's shocked it fits on his face, but it makes him happy to know that he even got to see it, let alone cause it. </p><p>he grabs his hand without hesitation, and they walk in silence to the gate, where yuu can see kageyama waiting for shouyou a little way off. just as shouyou lets go, about to leave, yuu pulls him back. "you're really handsome, shouyou, and don't let anybody tell you otherwise. you're the best boy i've seen, let alone dated, and i've dated a few boys. i love you, remember that, kay?" </p><p>shouyou's blushing, a lot, and yuu's so proud that he's allowed to do that, to make him flushed. </p><p>"mm." he says. "i love you too." </p><p>yuu releases their hands and kisses him quickly, before spinning shouyou around and pushing him towards where kageyama is standing.  as shouyou's running, he shouts behind him.</p><p>"i don't think your parents would like me anyway!" </p><p>shouyou's laughing when he turns around and shouts back, "yeah, you're too loud!"</p><p>and yuu's curled over on the pavement laughing after that, half because he knows that they both know shouyou is far louder than yuu, and half because he can see kageyama ready to shout at shouyou for taking so long.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>did i write this instead of focusing on my classes? okay yes i did but it's not my fault i literally couldn't stop myself,, i'm hooked on haikyuu!! again and i just, really value trans shouyou okay, also nishihina is my friend's rarepair and i couldn't pick so that's why them<br/>anyway hope it was kinda fun? as usual, writing this note before the fic, but i'm hoping this has some kind of value once it's finished! pretty sure it's just word vomit but oh well, at least there's words, that's an achievement imo. also i swear it's not another vent fic ahaha....<br/>anyway my plants are dying as we speak so i should probs go water them now lmao<br/>sleep well or smn<br/>-kye(??)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>